I write short stories. I own surprisingly few pairs of shorts. I sometimes short circuit.
"Alana" sounds like "A lotta" = A lotta shorts.

Take the title however you like.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Miss Trubble's Trouble

Normally I don't like to barge in here as Lanii and preface things. I prefer to put the title of the story in the title of the post, copy and paste from Word and give you a story.

However - this needs a little prefacing. I'm working on a film noir, private eye spoof for a class I teach and I thought it might be fun and interesting to post some of it here. If you have any thoughts - feel free to let me know in the comments! Thanks!

(The formatting doesn't stay and I don't have time to reformat. Sorry about that!)


ACT I
Scene 1
CHASE HUNTER'S OFFICE.
CHASE
(narrating)
In my line a'work, you got two kinds'a days: slow ones and fast ones. Today was as slow as a traffic jam on the 401 going into Toronto the night of a Celine Dion concert. Yea, she's got a nice voice but the only sound that's music to my ears is the sound a wad of cash makes as I flip through it with my thumb.
After all, I'm not a record producer. I'm a Private Eye.

The name's Hunter. Chase Hunter. I work alone. Except when I work with with Eddie, my partner. Then we work together. Which is all the time.

We hadn't had a job in weeks. With the economy sagging worse than Eddie's pants (Eddie hikes up his pants) even the crooks were cutting back. Once muggers started pulling IOU slips out of their victims' pockets, muggings went way down. Gangsters were turning themselves in just so they could have a roof over their heads and something to eat. There was hardly even a crooked cop to bust. It was nearly Utopian. And completely depressing.
LINDA enters.
LINDA
Hey, Chase. Got a lady out here to see ya.
CHASE
Well, let her look in through the window if that's what she wants.
LINDA
(small laugh)
No, I think you're going to want to see her as well.
CHASE
Ok...tell her to stand in front of the window and turn very slowly. Clockwise.
EDDIE
Counter clock wise.
CHASE
Now what difference...
LINDA
(cutting him off)
Chase - she has a case!
CHASE
A case? A case of what? Soda pop? The blues?
EDDIE
The Mondays? The hiccups? Benjamin Button?
CHASE
Good question, Eddie! (to Linda) Is it a curious case?
LINDA
It's a CASE! A situation! A mystery to be solved? By detectives? (gestures to them)
EDDIE
(offering help as CHASE looks confused)
I think she means this lady has a job for us, boss.
CHASE
Oh! A job! Ok, that makes more sense 'cause I was like, "A case?" Wha?...Next time just say that, Linda. Sheesh! I'm not a walking slang dictionary! (clears throat) Ok, send her in.
(narrating)
Just then, I knew my day had turned from slow to at least moderately paced. This dame was gonna be trouble for sure. Dames usually are.
Enter Carlotta Trubble in a red dress, red hat, red shoes, fur coat and a gold clutch. And white gloves.
CARLOTTA
Hello, Mr. Hunter. I'm Trubble.
CHASE
You mean you're in trouble.
CARLOTTA
Well, yes. But, no.
EDDIE
Oh, you mean that there's trouble comin'.
CARLOTTA
No. The trouble's already here.
EDDIE
(running about trying to hide)
It is!? Where! Hide, boss, hide!
CARLOTTA
No, no, no! I AM TRUBBLE. My name is Carlotta Trubble. T-r-u-b-b-l-e. Trubble.
EDDIE & CHASE
Ohhhhh!
CHASE
That's a very unfortunate last name, I must say. That's the kinda name that could get you into trouble, Miss Trubble.
CARLOTTA
Oh, I know. No matter where I go, Trubble always follows me.
CHASE
Yes, I suppose it does. Now, what can we do for you, Miss Trubble?
CARLOTTA
(sitting down)
Well, boys: I'm in trouble.

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About Me

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I'm Lanii. I try to Be Good. It doesn't always work. "Call Me Lanii" is sort of about that - my inner and outer triumphs (what?) and struggles. "Alana Shorts" is sort of about that, too: I draw way too much inspiration from the crazy and strange events that actually happen to me and end up writing very little 'fiction'. I usually have my tongue quite thoroughly stuck in my cheek.